Gotta get busy

  I’d like to illustrate a picture for you using two true stories.  One is about my neighbor who is a wise man around 80.  Daily he travels the fields & pastures behind his home with his dog & shotgun.  No, he isn't hunting, he’s just keeping any eye on everything.  But he is prepared and armed to take action if needed.  The second story is of an elderly man my husband did some work for recently.  The man came in a little after dark one day from working in his fields.  Inside his house he was surprised to find a vagrant man along with the man’s bicycle and bag!  The vagrant informed him that he was going to sleep there for the night.  Our elderly friend quickly went to retrieve his shotgun and replied “This says you’re not!”  The vagrant ran out of the house, leaving his bicycle and bag. 

  

  So, my neighbor stays on guard, looking to eradicate trouble when it pops up.  But our elderly friend doesn't seem to be as alert.  Hopefully he’ll be locking his doors more. 

  

  Lately, I've felt more like our friend & less like our neighbor.  I've been letting negative thoughts in my mind, then considering them instead of immediately eradicating them.  I failed to see the damage being done.  Eventually, I succumbed to a state of despair and hopelessness.  These attacks on my mind were constant.  I found some Bible verses regarding health, life, etc. and wrote them down.  I began speaking each verse out loud to my soul and contrasting each attack on my mind with a truth from God’s Word.  I also had some more physical changes to make—like getting dressed each day, instead of wearing pajamas all day.  In the movie Shawshank Redemption, Morgan Freeman’s character refers to our choice to “get busy livin’ or get busy dyin’”.  I’m ashamed to say I had not been busy livin’.  It’s not easy to make a transition.  I’m so grateful for the support and encouragement I've been given.  Once I recognized and admitted my problem, help started to pour in.  Last week another encouragement came.  I found out I've been accepted for testing and evaluation at the Cancer Treatment Center of America, near Atlanta.  During next week we should have more information on recommended treatments.  I like the picture my friend had in her mind of me showing up at the Cancer Treatment Center:

Her picture was me, walking through their doors with about 300 of my family and friends behind me—all of us saying “We’re here!” 

  I will try to stay in touch to keep you all updated.  If you have our number and want an update, please call.  My husband doesn't text.  I expect a visit from everyone. J  I’m filled with love for you all.  Your support and help mean so much. 

Thank you-- Darlene

http://www.cancercenter.com/southeastern/

http://www.gofundme.com/g8xfno

Ketchup

Ketchup.

That’s what I’m going to try to do—catch you up on what’s been happening. 

Back in November, my doctor sent me for a chest x-ray because I was coughing, short of breath and unable to lay down (without losing my breath).  The x-ray showed a pleural effusion in both pleural cavities.  This meant fluid was building around my lungs (NOT in my lungs), putting pressure on them; making the lungs unable to expand fully.  The doctor sent me to the hospital for a Thoracentesis, a procedure where a needle and catheter are inserted through the ribs to the pleural cavity for the purpose of draining excess fluid.   The procedure itself wasn’t too bad until the end, when two liters of fluid had been drained out and my lung was trying to re-expand after having been collapsed under the weight of the fluid.  I coughed, struggling for breath for at least 15 minutes.   I was given another x-ray.  After waiting for the results, I was told I had a pneumothorax—a perforation of the lung.  The doctor told me the perforation most likely happened during the Thoracentesis.  He recommended I stay overnight in case of any complications and have another x-ray in the morning.  I agreed.  At 8:00 AM, I went for another x-ray.  Several hours later a physician’s assistant came to my room to say she had reviewed the x-ray—on her phone—and it looked fine.  She said I “was released to go home”.  I’m not sure how she could make out anything clearly on a cell phone, but I told her I wanted to see a doctor and get their opinion.  A couple of hours later, around 2:30, a doctor came in and said she thought I should stay.  She showed us the 8:00 AM x-ray and said the pneumothorax had not improved and fluid had filled the pleural cavity again.  

Many things with this hospital experience had been upsetting.  I chose to go home and consult my doctor.  After consultations and some research, I decided to go to a different hospital.  My doctor was now recommending a surgical procedure to relieve the excess fluid called a Pluerodesis.  A pleural effusion can occur in cases of heart disease or cancer.  If excess fluid was going to keep occurring, we were going to have to take additional steps to deal with it. 

I went to the other hospital to have the Pluerodesis procedure.  I sat in a hospital bed and walked the halls for exercise for a week while they ran test, brought various doctors in for consult and obtained medical records.  Finally, I went in for surgery the day before Thanksgiving.  I recovered in ICU for three days before they transferred me to the Step Down Unit.  There I had begun breathing treatments to help my lung expand again.  Due to the invasiveness of the procedure, doctors typically only do one side at a time.  My right side had the most fluid, according to x-rays.  Four days after surgery, the surgeon removed the chest tube.  A large tube had been stitched into my side to allow the fluid to drain. 

A day and a half later they sent me home.  Six weeks later, I’m still recovering.  My lung capacity is slowly increasing after being under so much pressure from the fluid.  This makes talking an effort.  I try to keep my breathing slow and regulated so my lungs aren’t stressed.  I start coughing when my lungs are working harder; trying to keep up with heavier breathing.  Also, the cold weather and wind makes me cough.  My right side is still sore where the chest drain tube was.  The surgeon said many nerves had been cut for the procedure and I’d most likely have some degree of pain long term. 

We’ve been busy since I came home from the hospital trying to get to a cancer treatment center in Atlanta.  You’d think it would be a fairly simple process, but we’ve had to take step, after step, even to get where we are now.  Currently we are going back & forth about insurance.  Please keep us in your prayers as we go through this process. 

I want to thank all of the people who have blessed me during these things.  Without naming names, I’m so grateful to each person who supported my GoFundMe account (setting it up, sharing it, contributing).  When I was in the hospital, my Husband was able to be there with me instead of having to work and we were still able to pay our bills from the funds coming in.  If you contributed money in any way, we are so grateful.  Thanks to those who check up on us, send sweet cards, steadfastly pray, run errands, encourage us, visit us, make food for me, make liposomal vitamin c,  sit with me, and bring me fresh squeezed orange juice and clothes that fit better.  I could just keep going.  The list is so long.  I’ve also enjoyed visits from family from Northern Alabama down to central Florida and many messages and texts from friends all over.   The kindness and love poured out on me is overwhelming.  My words are fewer these days, but please know I love you right back! 

--Darlene  

Transparent

I haven’t made a blog post in a while.  Please appreciate my transparency here.  I normally like to be low key and even keeled.  I don’t like to be a spectacle.  This is a tough one to write. 

Over the summer, I was busy enjoying time with my son.  There were some rough patches with my health situation and those have been increasing.  Discomforts have become pains and trouble sleeping due to pain has kept me awake many nights.  Pain seems to come with the nighttime and ease during the day.  I don’t know why.  If I don’t sleep during the night, I sleep during the day, which I don’t like.  It makes me feel disconnected from the rest of the world.  Often times, my arm (on the side where the tumor is) will feel heavy and slightly numb.  My energy has been decreasing and there have been times when I pushed myself to go for a walk, then ended up on the couch the entire next day because my body was trying to recover.  These things have been disheartening and I am constantly trying to build myself up by reminding myself of God’s  Word and praying, singing, whatever I can think of.  In June, God gave my husband and  me His word of my healing.  I have been asking for Him to bring that forth SOON!  I’ve shared with my husband that I’ve been getting weary and didn’t know how much more I could endure.  The things my doctor feels like I need are all out of our financial range.  Insurance doesn’t cover alternative treatments, such as intravenous high dose vitamin C treatments or other things.  We’re not talking illegal drugs here.  A person can get a narcotic prescribed and insurance will cover it, but not vitamin C. Anyway, we have prayed that God would provide financially for what He would have me undergo for treatments.  This past Saturday, I discovered a mass in my other breast.  This was a devastating blow.  Despite the thought that I had cried all I had lately, the tears flowed.  The darkness I felt at my diagnosis in January 2013 had crept back in.  Sunday morning, I picked myself up, put clothes on and walked into the sanctuary of our church.  The very first woman who asked how I was that day got a wet shoulder when she hugged me.  Everyone else who asked did too.  When I was able to get words out they were short.  “I’m just tired.  I need help.”  At the end of the service, my husband walked with me up front to ask for prayer.  Soon there was a small army surrounding me.  I hate to cry in front of people.  A few tears are acceptable, but I was broken and helpless.  I knew it.  I let them pray for me, encourage me, hug me, etc.  Sunday night, I went to bed and I slept peacefully for seven hours!!  That hadn’t happened since May probably.  I was amazed.  Monday morning my pastor’s wife and another small army of women marched through my living room door to help me again.  Since then (I’m writing this Wednesday night) some wonderful things have been happening.  God has been giving me encouraging words through many people, sleep has been improving, strong pain has lessened to discomfort again, the feeling in my arm has improved.  God has showed my husband and me some wonderful things through His word, etc. Since I first began my holistic therapy back in January 2013, I have been homebound mostly.  The Gerson therapy I did the first year required making hourly, fresh juices from 7am to 7pm.  Needless to say, I couldn’t get out much.  I still do other natural helps my health that keep me busy at home even now (rebounding, far infared therapy, chi machine sessions, getting sunlight for at least 15-30 minutes each day, etc).  My pastor has urged me now to step back out into the world that (without realizing it) I had closed myself off from, knowing I need the company of those who love me.  I didn’t realize how much I needed you all.  As I write this, there is a battle being fought for me while I rest.  For 24 hours straight, my church body has volunteered to go to our church building and pray for me.  From midnight to midnight the next day.  My only hope at this point is for a miracle. That’s what we’re asking for.   Like I said previously, God reassured us of healing back in June.  I believe He has heard my cry and is bringing forth exactly what I need.  I feel like the night is almost over and the dawn is coming.  Please pray with us for healing to come.  I am excited with anticipation.  I need your encouragement to strengthen me.  Please be free with your kind words, phone calls to check on me, etc.  The outpouring of concern has been overwhelming and so refreshing.  I have a wonderful group of people surrounding me.  Thank you to so many people who have blessed me with gifts of service, encouragement, money, etc.  Also thank you for pestering me to provide a blog update and the messages showing concern.  It’s obvious that you care.  I love you guys right back.

D

Happy Day

My heart is full today.  God is overwhelmingly good to me.  All that He teaches me makes each new day even better (despite how I feel emotionally, physically, etc.).  I am truly humbled by His extravagant, irrational love.  I cannot understand how He loves but I am so glad He does.

I know everyone wants to know details on how I'm doing.  I'll get that out of the way so I can write about more important things.  I am really enjoying this diet I'm on.  I don't know why they call it a diet.  I'd prefer to call it "eating", but I didn't name it.  Here is an example of what a day's meals consist of:

Breakfast
Omelet with mushrooms, turkey sausage and kale (or spinach)
Cinnamon Flax muffin with nuts (sounds weird, but it's yummy in my tummy)

Lunch
Salad with dark, leafy greens and maybe sweet peppers, olives, green or red onions, etc
My own red wine vinegarette dressing
Riced cauliflower (with turmeric, which makes it look like yellow rice)
Blackened (just seasoning) flounder

Dinner
Salad with dark, leafy greens again
My own red wine vinegarette dressing
Dilled salmon or salmon marinated in oil, crushed garlic and vinegar and cayenne pepper

I am loving my cayenne pepper and anything HOT!  You can see it on my omelet.
I feel like I'm eating like a king.  It's all clean and organic.  It makes me feel great.  I have been struggling with my macros (fats, proteins carbs) and I am continuing to fine tune them.  I immediately lost weight and I am trying to keep it on instead.  Now I need to gain some back.  I talk to my doctor this week about this.  I'm just not sure what macros to alter to put the weight back on.  I've read it takes about three months to get it worked out because the body is adapting to a new metabolism.  I didn't realize how much I lacked in getting my vitamin and mineral levels in check and there have been some days when I felt weak and fatigued.  Yeah, I should have followed my doctor's orders when she said to use Pink Salt each day.  I thought I could do without it.  Easy remedy.  Got Pink Salt?  I will continue to keep you updated.  Meanwhile, if you are looking to lose weight, I highly recommend a low carb diet.  Some people do a "dirty" version of the diet, eating pork rinds, lots of bacon, etc.  But it is easily done using clean foods and organic (if you desire) foods.

I am still using other modalities in addition to the diet, such as iodine (Lugols), pancreatic enzymes, asidoll (digestive enzyme), green drinks, Pectasol C (modified citrus pectin), Liver capsules, melatonin (used in breast cancer treatment, not as a sleep aid), Vitamin D3, Vitamin C, multivitamin, DIM, Resveratrol, COQ10, Far Infared Dome, Chi machine, rebounding, breathing exercises...the list goes on. Most of all, I am still learning to trust God.  I was reminded from a friend's blog this week of this verse:

Proverbs 3:5-6  Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him and He will make your paths straight.

I'm surrounded by people who encourage and love me daily.  I'm so grateful.  I think back sometimes to how I lived in the past.  Even just a few years back.  I wish I would have taught my kids to eat better, take better care of themselves, I wish I could teach them to cook and eat healthier and all the things I've learned lately about life and healing.  They aren't at home anymore for me to teach them.  Our loved ones see our flaws.  They see us act like jerks.  Now, I hope they see a better me and forget about the things I've done and haven't done.  I want those close to me to see a woman humbly submitted to God, living each day to honor Him and joyfully rejoicing in that freedom.

Love you all,
D

Choosing Health with Lifestyle and Food

Hello my friends! Grab your cup of herbal, caffeine free tea (mine is Pau D 'Arco) and let's chat!  It's been a busy time since my last post.  I've been busy getting healthier.  To answer most people's first question, my most recent blood work was much better than what I posted on the last blog.  Estrogen was lower (after much prayer and dietary changes).  Dietary changes were taking a daily walk, adding chamomile tea daily, increasing vitamin D3, adding flax seeds to salads (daily), adding melatonin back into my daily supplements (not as a sleep aid - melatonin has strong benefits for breast health) and adding turmeric, cayenne and cinnamon to my food (every day).  Yay!  God has made food (not processed, fast or junk food, obviously) to benefit us.  It can alter our mood, our hormones, our blood, our metabolism...our bodies are fueled by food.

*****

We are either promoting health or disease with EVERY thing we put into our mouths.  What do you want to promote?

*****

I talk to people to talk about their health issues and I am learning that degenerative diseases are a problem for most people.  Degenerative diseases are ailments that progressively worsen over time due to age and lifestyle choices.  I have learned so much this past year from my research, talking with people, watching interviews or talks by various doctors and from my personal experience.  I have come to learn that degenerative diseases can be avoided and/or treated by diet and lifestyle choices in most cases.  We encourage degenerative disease by:

1. Food choices (do you eat fresh, real, whole food or do you eat junk food, pre-made food (with preservatives), fast food, restaurant food, candy, cake, sugar, etc)
2. Being stressed.  Need to simplify?  Need to minimize clutter?  Need to establish a routine? Need to downsize?  Need to rest?  Need to change occupations?  Need to....?
3. Chemicals we put on our skin, (our skin is our largest organ) chemicals in deodorant, soap, body washes, lotion, perfume, cologne, make up, hair products, nail polish, etc. 
4. Chemicals we inhale:  Air fresheners, candles, other people's perfumes, paints, solvents, pesticides sprayed by pest control companies, new carpet, gas fumes, etc.
5. Being lazy. If you don't want to be a marathon runner or a gym junkie, fine.  Just go for a walk every day.  Make time to take a brisk walk for at least 15 minutes.  Too cold out? Bundle up. Too dark? Walk at lunch.  Got kids?  Take them and give them a walking assignment (collect leaves, count steps, sing songs, etc).  Got company? Tell them in advance that you walk each day and ask them to plan to join you.  We make time for things that are important to us.  This cartoon illustrates that.

Here is a list of some degenerative diseases.  Some listed here may surprise you when you remember that I stated above that many issues can be avoided or treated with diet and lifestyle:

Alzheimer's

Parkinson's

MS

Heart disease

Cancers

Diabetes

Arthritis

Rheumatoid arthritis

Osteoarthritis

Osteoporosis

I have talked with people who have reversed heart disease, diabetes and cancer using diet and lifestyle choices.  God created our bodies to heal themselves, provided we choose healthy foods and habits to fortify them.  We will strengthen or weaken our body/mind with these choices. I don't know about you, but I don't want to miss work, family events, time with my family/friends due to illness.  So I want to do all I can to encourage excellent health in my body.  Ultimately, we are responsible for our own health.  Medical doctors, for the most part, are schooled in medicine.  Medications come with side effects that may or may not outweigh any benefits.  I don't want to be reliant on medications and have to deal with their side effects.  To me, eating healthy is enjoyable and I get to enjoy the positive side effects (LIFE AND VIBRANT HEALTH)!!  

“Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food” - Hippocrates

________________________________________

It hurts me to see people I care about (family or friends) suffering needlessly from bad health.  Here is a question to ponder:  

If I don't care enough about myself to pursue good health, why would I expect a doctor or my family or my children or my friends to take care of me when my health takes a turn for the worst?

This is my heart.  I'm not trying to be harsh, but I realize these statements may come across that way.  It would be a blessing to me if I can point someone in the right direction.  Please ask me questions regarding health, etc. , if you'd like to.  I will try to provide you with resources to help your specific situation.  I only learn things because I seek out the answers.  They are readily available.  

In closing, my doctor recently suggested a trial period of a different nutritional therapy that has been found to shrink tumors.  After much prayer and research, I agreed.  My doctor and I believe that the Gerson therapy, for the past year, has strengthened my immune system and detoxed my body intensely.  I have enjoyed Gerson and look forward to a new chapter of my life during this trial period of the new nutritional therapy.  My supplements will vary only slightly but my foods will be vastly different.  I am switching from an all organic, vegetarian (close to vegan) diet to a diet rich in healthy fats, moderate in protein and extremely low in carbohydrates.  The goal is to starve my body of carbs (including naturally occurring sugar)(carbs and sugar fuel cancers) and fill it with healthy fats.  This switches my metabolism from burning glucose to burning fat (in a nut shell). Some foods on this diet are:

Coconut oil, coconut butter, organic butter, olive oil, flax oil, nut oils, avocados, wild caught (in the US only) cold water fish, organic chicken, green leafy vegetables and ....EGGS!!!  I have missed eggs!  This diet is all clean and organic.  No trans fats, fake food, no soy, no red meat, no pork, no grains, etc.  I will keep you up to date.  

Thanks for taking time to read this.  I pray that it's useful to you.  Thanks to everyone who is faithful to pray for me, thanking God for my healing and who bless me in various ways.  Thank you for being a friend to me.  I hope to hear from you.

Darlene

When being positive is negative!

Most recent blood work wasn't good news. Estrogen levels were high and tumor marker was back up to 100. It had previously been at 73. The tumor marker is an indicator of localization (of disease) or metastasis (spreading). We don't want the number to increase. We want it to decrease. My original biopsy results indicated the tumor was estrogen receptor + (positive). So, when my body creates an abundance of estrogen, the excess estrogen binds to the tumor's receptors to feed it. In summary, estrogen receptor positive + high estrogen=growing tumor. I am working with my doctor in making modifications to my therapy, focusing on lowering estrogen, specifically. I had been easing off some things that I didn't realize were estrogen lowering efforts. I had quit taking melatonin before bed. I was taking 20 mg, which is a large amount and makes for groggy mornings and rather dangerous middle of the night trips to the bathroom. I ran out of vitamin D, which I had been taking 20,000 IUs of. I figured I would just get more sun (I do live in FL). Cruciferous vegetable prices had become more than I wanted to pay (fortunately, prices are going back down now). I had been eating broccoli, cauliflower or brussel sprouts with every meal, but I refuse to pay $5 a head. So, I had cut those out. All these things (and there are still more I didn't bring up) were things that help lower estrogen. My doctor discusses my estrogen levels each time we talk, but I didn't relate it to tumor growth. My fault. I knew, but for whatever reason, I just failed to put two and two together. Doc also has me adding in some items that are temporarily forbidden on Gerson. I'm adding nuts/seeds, lentils/legumes, ginger, tumeric... So I've added items slowly, as not to disrupt my digestion too much. So far so good. Yesterday, I had sunflower seeds in a salad and tonight I had flax seeds in my salad. I used fresh ginger in salad dressing I made yesterday and it did upset my stomach a tad, but just for a short time.

I seriously dislike being open.  It makes me feel vulnerable. I never would have blogged before this. But I am finding a treasure in stretching myself to be more honest with people than I feel comfortable with. In some wacky way, I feel that it helps with my healing. This is a roller coaster of emotions. I can see that it helps me to release emotions. Often, I get to see others open up when I lead the way. It's nice to see a genuineness in people.  I actually feel honored when others are transparent with me. Life is definitely about relationships; not things or careers or successes.  I am enjoying richer relationships with people. There are often tears in my eyes when I'm talking with others.  I'm learning to be okay with that instead of trying to stifle it. I have many kinds of tears lately. Tears of joy, when someone has blessed me somehow. Tears of humbleness when someone has gone out of their way to do something kind for me. Tears of frustration when things aren't going my way. Tears of strife when the road seems long and drawn out. There are even "I don't know" tears. Those are the one that freak out husbands. I have those too. I guess I'll blame those on the excess estrogen!  I've shed lots of tears lately. My neighbor has been bringing me radishes from his garden. He strolls through the pastures and fields out back to come through the path leading to my back yard with radishes in hand. Another farmer friend calls me early on a Sunday morning and says, "Get out of bed! I'm bringing you some chard!". A close friend calls to ask if she can come over on her day off. Another friend calls my husband and says she bringing fresh flowers over me. Will he come outside and get my special delivery. Mothers and mother in laws call and say they are going out. What can they pick up for me. My carrot sponsor says, "I just picked up another bag of carrots for you.". My pastor and his wife call to say they love me. A Facebook friend messages me to ask if I would like some pomegranates. People in my church family ask how I am and they mean it. The owner of our local health food store gives me fresh picked lemons. Friends and family call/text to see if I need anything from the hippie grocery store in Pensacola. The elderly man bagging and carrying a bag of groceries to my car speaks the healing words of God to me. Another friend comes over to help me clean carrots, make my salads and encourage me in the Lord. The lady who runs the co-op I buy organic produce from goes out of her way to help me get what I need. Another person in the co-op gives me fresh herbs from her garden (and I don't even know her really). My family calls, texts, and tells me they love me. My husband takes hold of my hand as we drift off to dreamland. All these things bring tears. I can't begin to express how much I enjoy your personal facebook messages, texts, phone calls and acts of kindness.  Please keep them coming. I appreciate your encouragement.

Pictures:  My husband and me with my grandparents who visited recently and fresh flowers from my friend.

My Personal Eden

As I passed by a window in my living room, recently, I caught a glance of something that startled me.  I stopped to get a better look.  On our pond, I could see what seemed to be twinkling lights dancing merrily along the surface of the water.  I stood there confused; not knowing exactly what I was watching. Was God granting me some supernatural eye candy?? It was such a beautiful sight!  I moved to a different window to get a new perspective.  I saw what was really happening.  It was beginning to rain and from where I had been standing, the sunlight caught the rain drops in a way that made them look like diamonds when they hit the water's surface, but from where I now stood, it just looked like plain old rain.  I let out a chuckle at myself.  Had my husband been there, he would have said, "Darlene, it's rain.  Haven't you seen rain before?". In those few seconds, my eyes were opened to a life lesson.  Life is how I see it.  Now, I knew this before, but now I am experiencing it in a new way.  

As I write this, I'm sitting on my back porch, the sun warming my body, a light morning breeze is still moving across my skin and I hear the birds singing and chatting.  It's peaceful and still.  It heals my soul.  This is what I'm talking about.  Simple things.  They are coming to mean so much to me.  Don't get me wrong, I have quite a bit on my list of things to do today.  It's like that every day, so I am learning that if I want to have these quiet peaceful moments, I have to make time for them and just take them in small increments.  15 minutes will be better than nothing.  With each 15 minutes of solitude, comes a renewing, a peace, strength to continue, and "A ha!" thoughts of clarity.  I take these blissful escapes on my back porch, on my front porch, in the pathway to the pasture behind our house, even in my bathroom.  You are laughing right now, if you have been to my home.  I don't live in a place even closely resembling The Biltmore Estate or a grand mansion with acres and acres of extravagantly landscaped property.  There are weeds in the yard, a rusting shed in front of me and a toilet sitting on the porch next to me (bathroom remodel).  But from where I stand (sit) it's a beautiful picture.  If I move to a different spot, I see it in a different light.  I have been choosing more often than not, to look at the positive, to really take in the small things. Many small things make up the big things.  I'm breathing deeply.  I'm taking in the fall weather, my garden, the peaceful stream emptying into our pond, the white daisies from my friend, my husband's strong embrace and soft words, my first taste of pomegranates, the relaxing scent of lavender oil on my pillow.  God is so good to allow me these things that make up my personal Eden. I'm doing well...great actually.  Healing is coming from the inside out.  I'm learning much about healing.  I'll save that for another blog.