Thursday, August 28, 2014


I haven’t made a blog post in a while.  Please appreciate my transparency here.  I normally like to be low key and even keeled.  I don’t like to be a spectacle.  This is a tough one to write. 

Over the summer, I was busy enjoying time with my son.  There were some rough patches with my health situation and those have been increasing.  Discomforts have become pains and trouble sleeping due to pain has kept me awake many nights.  Pain seems to come with the nighttime and ease during the day.  I don’t know why.  If I don’t sleep during the night, I sleep during the day, which I don’t like.  It makes me feel disconnected from the rest of the world.  Often times, my arm (on the side where the tumor is) will feel heavy and slightly numb.  My energy has been decreasing and there have been times when I pushed myself to go for a walk, then ended up on the couch the entire next day because my body was trying to recover.  These things have been disheartening and I am constantly trying to build myself up by reminding myself of God’s  Word and praying, singing, whatever I can think of.  In June, God gave my husband and  me His word of my healing.  I have been asking for Him to bring that forth SOON!  I’ve shared with my husband that I’ve been getting weary and didn’t know how much more I could endure.  The things my doctor feels like I need are all out of our financial range.  Insurance doesn’t cover alternative treatments, such as intravenous high dose vitamin C treatments or other things.  We’re not talking illegal drugs here.  A person can get a narcotic prescribed and insurance will cover it, but not vitamin C. Anyway, we have prayed that God would provide financially for what He would have me undergo for treatments.  This past Saturday, I discovered a mass in my other breast.  This was a devastating blow.  Despite the thought that I had cried all I had lately, the tears flowed.  The darkness I felt at my diagnosis in January 2013 had crept back in.  Sunday morning, I picked myself up, put clothes on and walked into the sanctuary of our church.  The very first woman who asked how I was that day got a wet shoulder when she hugged me.  Everyone else who asked did too.  When I was able to get words out they were short.  “I’m just tired.  I need help.”  At the end of the service, my husband walked with me up front to ask for prayer.  Soon there was a small army surrounding me.  I hate to cry in front of people.  A few tears are acceptable, but I was broken and helpless.  I knew it.  I let them pray for me, encourage me, hug me, etc.  Sunday night, I went to bed and I slept peacefully for seven hours!!  That hadn’t happened since May probably.  I was amazed.  Monday morning my pastor’s wife and another small army of women marched through my living room door to help me again.  Since then (I’m writing this Wednesday night) some wonderful things have been happening.  God has been giving me encouraging words through many people, sleep has been improving, strong pain has lessened to discomfort again, the feeling in my arm has improved.  God has showed my husband and me some wonderful things through His word, etc. Since I first began my holistic therapy back in January 2013, I have been homebound mostly.  The Gerson therapy I did the first year required making hourly, fresh juices from 7am to 7pm.  Needless to say, I couldn’t get out much.  I still do other natural helps my health that keep me busy at home even now (rebounding, far infared therapy, chi machine sessions, getting sunlight for at least 15-30 minutes each day, etc).  My pastor has urged me now to step back out into the world that (without realizing it) I had closed myself off from, knowing I need the company of those who love me.  I didn’t realize how much I needed you all.  As I write this, there is a battle being fought for me while I rest.  For 24 hours straight, my church body has volunteered to go to our church building and pray for me.  From midnight to midnight the next day.  My only hope at this point is for a miracle. That’s what we’re asking for.   Like I said previously, God reassured us of healing back in June.  I believe He has heard my cry and is bringing forth exactly what I need.  I feel like the night is almost over and the dawn is coming.  Please pray with us for healing to come.  I am excited with anticipation.  I need your encouragement to strengthen me.  Please be free with your kind words, phone calls to check on me, etc.  The outpouring of concern has been overwhelming and so refreshing.  I have a wonderful group of people surrounding me.  Thank you to so many people who have blessed me with gifts of service, encouragement, money, etc.  Also thank you for pestering me to provide a blog update and the messages showing concern.  It’s obvious that you care.  I love you guys right back.